


Stand With Me

by Thatawkwardtinywriter



Series: Bare With Me/Stand With Me. [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A whole lot of angst, Blood and Violence, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Gore, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Postpartum Depression, Smut, graphic descriptions of abuse and torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-19 13:08:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatawkwardtinywriter/pseuds/Thatawkwardtinywriter
Summary: 8 Months have passed since leaving the tower and moving in with Aiden. Your dark past has brought to light after an incident that leaves blood on your hands. With a new baby, and living with Bucky, your ex-husband again, your sanity is tested at all odds. Are you really innocent in all of this or is there actually something more sinister lurking inside of you?





	1. A Monster in Sheeps Clothing.

**Author's Note:**

> This sequel to Bare With Me is going to have a lot of triggering material. I will put a warning in the notes at the beginning of each chapter that may have anything upsetting. 
> 
> Please be warned. 
> 
> Thank you and feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> -Ivy/Aiden

8 MONTHS LATER

The sirens blared loudly but to you, they sounded like static. The cold wind whipped at your skin, pricking it up, goosebumps covering your exposed arms as you cradled little Jaymee. She suckled on your breast, her little hand splayed on your soft exposed skin, her lashes rested on her plump cheeks as she slowly fell back to sleep.

You couldn’t tear your gaze away from your little bundle of joy even with the police officers staring at you but not daring to approach you. Your gaze was blank, cold, hard and unnerving to those who dared to look your way. You were numb, physically and mentally. Everything seemed to be in a haze around you. Your skin stunk and so did your clothes. Even with the soft rain dripping onto your skin, you knew a hot shower was the only way you were ever going to be able to get the blood off your skin.

To outsiders, you looked like someone straight out of a horror movie. Clothes were torn, you were up to elbows stained in blood. Your mouth was covered with the red liquid but the rain had washed some of it away exposing more of your features. You could still taste the metal lingering on your tongue and you wouldn’t be surprised if your teeth were stained too.

Your bare feet had glass shards still sticking out of your skin, and so did parts of your arms. Your hair was a mess on top of your head, chunks of hair had been ripped out of your head and you could barely feel the sting. Scratches and bruises decorated your skin, clear open wounds seeped warm fresh blood down the side of your head.

You didn’t feel it, though. You only felt the soft suckle of your pup on your breast as you nursed her.

The murmur of the female police officer next to you was still hazy until she gently rested a hand on your shoulder.

You snapped your gaze up to her, baring your teeth, a low rumble of a growl erupting from your chest. She visibly flinched, taking a step back, putting her hands up in defense. The soft coo of your daughter brought you back to reality. You were still in fight or flight mode but with Jaymee in your arms, you felt at peace. You quickly relaxed your posture before clearing your throat.

“Sorry.”  
Your voice was hoarse, you almost didn’t recognize yourself. It still maintained it’s soft, and almost shy, tone that you used when you spoke around your pup when she was asleep. You were surprised the woman had picked it up when she gave you a soft smile in return before sitting next to you.

“I just need to ask a few questions if you don’t mind.”

You could smell the faint Beta scent on her and felt safe seeing as she wasn’t going to try to take your pup away from you.

You nodded slowly, before looking back down. Jaymee had detached herself from your breast and fell into a deep sleep. You were surprised at how she could sleep with all this noise but then again, she was her father’s child.

The clearing of the woman’s throat pulled you from your thoughts. You didn’t look up. You didn’t even acknowledge her presence as you reached up to slip your breast back into the cup of your bra.

She sniffed the air curiously, you had no scent. You gave off no emotion, no sense of dread, fear. Not even happiness or relief, you just stared down, your eyes tracing over ever soft, unscarred piece of skin of your daughter’s face as she slightly shifted in your hold. Her tiny fist opening and closing as she gave a small yawn, her small pink tongue poking out as her eyes fluttered open.  
Bright blue and all curious. She adored you like you held the world as if you were perfect. You could do no wrong in her eyes. You felt yourself becoming sick at the thought, as the smell of the blood that soaked your skin and clothes became stronger.

It was a small reminder that you were far from it.

You pulled your eyes away to look at the officer. She gave you a small smile as she gestured with a pad of paper and pen.

“Ma'am, could you please tell me what happened?”


	2. Metal Scented Soap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next chapter's will have descriptions of violence, blood, injuries, and PTSD.   
> Please be warned when reading.

A whole two weeks went by before you found yourself back in Brooklyn, standing outside of the familiar building. You didn’t know how to go about this or what the others would say. You didn’t even know if they knew what had happened.

You didn’t let yourself dwell on it any longer as you pushed the stroller with you inside. Jaymee looked up at you, her eyes fluttering as she took in her new surroundings. She babbled excitedly making you smile.

“Well, this is your new home babygirl. I hope you don’t mind.” You cooed to her as you walked yourself to the elevator. She paid you no mind, as she just looked around, her vision still improving with every day that came and went. 

You pulled out your I.D from your jacket, showing the agent that stopped you, before pushing forward and shoving your wallet back into your pocket. You pressed the button to the living quarters before leaning against the nearest wall blowing out a heavy sigh. You looked down at your daughter to see her trying to reach one of the colorful toys that hung from the stroller. You smiled slightly as she noticed her hand, watching it as it shook right in her face it as she continued to stare at everything around her.

Your attention was pulled from her, with the loud ding of the elevator announcing your arrival. You weren’t sure about this decision to come back after everything but it wasn't like you had a choice. You stepped forward, pushing the stroller with you.

Only two weeks stuck in a grungy jail cell as police questioned you non-stop before throwing you at the mercy of the court. Magically, you were found not guilty and the charges were dropped and you were free to go. The next day, you had a phone call from Tony Stark. Your best friend, old boss, and a strong Alpha who was almost like a father to you. You guessed he had picked up on your situation and invited you back to the tower, saying it would be best if you weren’t alone through this. You also knew he probably paid a big sum of money to get you out of there but you weren't going to ask if he got his hands dirty for you or not. 

Your scent was easily picked up as you walked into the living quarters. You didn’t dare to look up, scared at the reactions your friends would give you. When you were met with large arms wrapping around you, your stress suddenly disappeared. Cinnamon and musk, the familiar scent of Steve filled your senses and you found yourself hugging him back, burying your face into his broad chest. He didn’t say anything much to your surprise.

He pulled away, holding you at arm’s length, his baby blues searched yours before giving you a sad smile. You returned it before looking past him at the others that gathered around. Your sad smile cracked into a wide grin seeing Natasha, Tony, Sam, Bruce, Clint, and Wanda all standing around looking at you with shit-eating grins.

“You going to hug us too or are you just going to stand there?” Sam joked making you pull away from Steve and run over to him with open arms. A freshly opened book and shaving cream filled your nose as you buried your face into the Alphas' chest and he chuckled as you inhaled his scent. "Missed you too, babygirl." Sam spoke sweetly as he wrapped his arms around you and pressed a soft kiss to the top head making you grin. 

You spent the next five minutes hugging your old friends. Their smell becoming so familiar to you that you practically forgot everything that happened.

“Where were you guys?” You questioned as you walked back over to your stroller to pull Jaymee out from it.

“We kinda left after hearing about you coming back. Didn’t want to be here when all that drama happened.” Tony stated with a smile and you quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Then who threw all those parties?” You questioned as Steve walked over, holding his arms out to hold Jaymee with a pleading look.

You laughed at him before telling him to hold on as you unfastened Jaymee from her car seat that had been attached to the stroller. You pulled her out, making sure to tell Steve to support her head as you handed her over to the larger-than-life super soldier. He smiled brightly at her and she stared at him with wide blue eyes making you laugh.

“Kid, as much as I love parties, I can’t plan them for-” He stopped as Steve cleared his throat. He looked over at Steve and Jaymee. Steve glared at him knowing he was about to use a bad word in front of Jaymee making you grin to yourself.

“Crap.” Tony drawled out making Steve roll his eyes. “Anyway, Pepper planned them. She always does.” He quipped as he shifted side to side with his arms crossed over his chest. 

You nodded with a hum before looking at Sam. “What happened to you? I saw you once and then-” You started but he put his hand up, stopping you.

“After that freakout, I kinda stopped being around. I didn’t want to be a part of all that. I already have to deal with Barnes enough as it is.” 

“Sorry, you had to see that.” You winced slightly but Sam was having none of it.

“No, it’s ok. I’d be super pissed too.”

“As much as I love this little reunion; how about we go check out your new room?” Natasha quipped up noticing the stress that started to come off of you in small waves at the small memory.

You nodded and Steve, reluctantly, handed Jaymee back to you. Natasha walked you to your new room, pushing the stroller for you as you walked with Jaymee in your arms. Silence hung in the air around you two but it wasn't uncomfortable. You were just happy it was Natasha and not one of the others, as they had a habit of trying way too hard to make sure someone was ok. Steve and Tony had issues of being a bit overbearing but they meant well.

As you rounded the corner of the hall, Natasha piped up. 

"Tony made sure you wouldn't have to worry about anything for a while. He made sure you were set until you could get back on your feet." You glanced at her with a raised eyebrow as she continued on, stopping in front of a door. She quickly slipped a key out of her pocket and began unlocking the door, paying you no mind as twisted the key in the lock. "He wasn't going to say this in front of anyone, he didn't want to embarrass you but he wanted me to tell you to let him know if you need anything. That includes groceries or diapers. He even offered to be a nanny for you if you needed some time for yourself." 

She looked up at you with a smile. "We all want to help you, so Wanda and Steve helped decorate for you. Sam coordinated colors with me and Vision made sure it was everything you'd need." With that, she twisted the doorknob and opened the door slowly. 

Your eyes widened at the sight. Tony made you a bigger room, with a connecting nursery, completely furnished. Even though you told him he could just give you your old room back, he strongly suggested the new room.

The walls were blue with the ceiling painted white with white trim all the way around. The bed sat at the back wall, facing you, it was much bigger than your previous one. The sheets were black with gray and blue pillows sat against the headboard. A dresser sat against the nearest wall to you with a connected vanity. A TV was installed on the opposite wall of your bed. Your bathroom was on the opposite wall, with your closet against the same wall, with large floor-length mirrors as sliding doors. 

As you walked further into the room, you noticed a separate room that was connected to yours that was the opposite wall of the bathroom. The walls were painted white with purple roses decorated along the corners of the room and walls. A black wooden crib and connected changing area had been set up on the opposite wall of the entrance. The closet, next to the entrance, had month's supply of diapers and baby wipes stacked at the back of it. Different sizes and various colors of clothing sat on hangers. You glanced at the opposite side of the room to see a rocking chair, a bouncer, swing and a few boxes of items stacked neatly in the corner, like an archway swing, a large bouncer for when she was older and a highchair. 

Jaymee looked around, her eyes wide as she tried to take in the blurry new surrounding. Natasha watched her with a smirk as she wat

“Well, at least she likes it... I think” Natasha joked making you roll your eyes with a smile.

“I-Just... Wow.” You breathed. You scrunched up your face in disgust as the sour smell of her dirty diaper hit your nose. You glanced at Natasha who was parking the stroller against a nearby wall. “Care to join me for a diaper change?” You asked as Natasha looked at you.

“Well, if I can’t have pups of my own, might as well vicariously through you.” She joked making you laugh.

"Well, you can always be a second mom to Jaymee. I don't think Bucky would mind. I think she likes you more than me anyway." You said as you gently placed Jaymee down on the changing station. You quickly slipped off her little shorts before unclipping her onesie, pulling it up so you could expose her diaper while Natasha leaned against the nearest wall watching you carefully. Jaymee busied herself by sucking on her own fist as she looked around the room.

“So…” Natasha started, drawing out her words making you look up at her before looking back down as you continued with your task.

“So what?” You questioned, a smile gracing your features as your daughter shook her fist in the air at you with her mouth wide open while you pulled the used diaper out from under her, placing it next to you.

“Are you going to tell us what happened?”

You licked your lips, before blowing out a sigh. “I don’t think that’s necessary, don’t you think? It was all over the news.” You stated before glancing up to see a package of baby wipes sitting next to Natasha. “Pass me those.”  
She nodded before tearing off the plastic packaging, opening and passing you a few wipes. You whispered a thank you before wiping your daughter’s bottom.

“So? Yeah, it was on the news but they didn’t really give details except for, well you know. Other than that, it was just a few names, except yours. think it was mostly because you’re an agent and they wanted to keep your identity safe. Plus, Stark and Fury paid them off to keep their mouths shut.” She admitted as she tore open a package of diapers before handing you one.  
You furrowed your eyebrows as you continued to put the fresh diaper on your daughter.

“Is that why I was let go? Was it because of them?” You asked, not tearing your gaze away from your daughter as you clipped the buttons back on her onesie before wrapping the dirty diaper with the used baby wipes and discarding it into the nearby diaper genie. You looked up at Natasha, she gave a stoic look. You knew she wasn’t going to tell you more because it was obvious what happened.

You were guilty in everyone’s eyes.

Anger filled you making you growl lowly causing Jaymee to stir at the stress you gave off. You relaxed quickly seeing her face contort into sadness as tears brewed behind her eyes. You quickly hushed her, giving her a small smile and passing her one of the many toys that rested inside the crib. She babbled happily as she clutched the colorful rattle in her hand and shook it vigorously, completely forgetting what had upset her. 

“Sorry Y/N. They said you had no way of getting out of jail even with all that evidence that proved your innocence. Your record is almost a mile long.”

You nodded as you slipped the shorts back on your daughter before picking her up and carrying her as you made your way back into the bedroom. “I know. I know…” You breathed as you placed Jaymee on her stomach in the middle of the blue duvet. Natasha watched with a smile as she raised her head up, slightly nodding her head as she still was growing her neck muscles.

“So, what are you going to do when Bucky gets back?” You looked up at her, your eyebrows raised.

“He has no idea, does he?” Your voice was a near whisper but she caught it.  
She shook her head. “He has been gone for three months. He won’t be returning for another 3 weeks. I doubt he has any idea what happened or that you’re even here.”

You bit your lip looking down at Jaymee as she attempted to keep her head up and her legs bent. You tilted your head watching as she let out little grunts.

“Do you mind watching her? I kinda want to have some me time.” You asked before looking back at your friend.

“You trust an Omega with your pup?” She questioned with a knowing smirk making you roll your eyes at her.

“You’re not just an Omega. Plus, I can snap your neck if you attempt to steal her.” You joked making her laugh.

“In your dreams.” She shot back before leaning over and picking up Jaymee. “Alright little one, let’s leave mommy alone. Auntie Nat is going to show you how fun it is to mess with Sam.”

You laughed at the small baby voice she used before she made her way out of the room.

\------

You sighed as you sank yourself into the large tub. Bubbles filled it and the smell of chamomile filled your lungs. You didn’t realize now how long it had been since you’ve relaxed. You could feel the strain in your muscles slowly melt as the warm water soothed you. You closed your eyes, breathing out a heavy sigh as you relaxed against the tub, letting your head rest on the brim. It had been a long two weeks. A whole two weeks without a proper shower, a proper bed or a proper meal.

You were able to let your guard down. You were safe, that’s what mattered but what mattered more was that Jaymee was safe too. Your pup was safe. 

Your eyes snapped open at the sound of a high-pitched scream followed by a large crash. All you could see was darkness. Your skin felt hot and slick with sweat. You stunk and the smell you were giving off along with the Alpha pheromones was getting worse by the second. Growling filled your ears. You visibly flinched, feeling the need to cower. Your throat and chest vibrated, a low growl vibrated through you but it didn’t feel like it came from you.

Was it you or did it come from someone else?

You flinched, shutting your eyes, bringing your hands up to shield yourself as glass shards flew towards you. You felt pressure in your arms before feeling a sharp sting on the side of your head. You expected to feel the sharp sting of the blade slicing your skin but you felt nothing. The loud roar of the blood pumping in your ears silenced every nerve ending in your body.  
Your eyes snapped open at the sound of whimpering, then a baby crying.

Jaymee crying.

A choked cry filled your ears, followed by a gut-wrenching gurgling noise. You looked around quickly, trying to find the source of the noise. Yet, all you could see was darkness, like you were standing in a room with surround sound speakers. Suddenly, your feet were moving underneath you, towards a door.  
You raised your hands to grab the handle. Your breath hitched in your throat, seeing the bright, almost muddled color of red dripping from your hands to the black floor. Your heart pumped faster as you looked down at yourself. Your clothes were splattered with blood. Bloody handprints decorating your shirt. You wanted to scream, you wanted to cry but you felt nothing. Not even fear.  
You grabbed the doorknob pulling it open. It was a bathroom.

White and pristine.

You ran in, bloody footprints trailing behind you. Suddenly you were hyper-aware of the glass in your feet. You felt the sting in each step, almost slowing you down as you ran towards the sink. You gripped the handle, turning it on. Hot boiling water poured from the faucet. You reached your hand under it, half-expecting it to burn but the adrenaline and shock that rocked your body made you feel numb. You watched with uncertainty as the water turned bright pink before slowly becoming a deep red. You reached for the bar of soap that rested in the soap dish and began to scrub. You scrubbed and scrubbed but it seemed like no matter what you did, you couldn’t get clean. Suddenly you heard Jaymee crying again. You wanted to turn and run towards her, but for some reason, you couldn’t leave the sink.

Something inside you screamed that you couldn’t touch her like this. You scrubbed as the screaming became louder, almost deafening till it was practically ringing in your ears. Tears stung your eyes as you continued scrubbed your hands raw. Your skin began to burn as you began using your nails. Yet, the blood kept coming, the screaming continues.

Your throat began burning as you started choking. Suddenly your legs gave out underneath you, everything disappearing as you fell. Slowly everything became darker and darker until there was nothing. Not even the screaming.

 

You shot up from the water, inhaling sharply. Your lungs stung as you heaved yourself over the edge of the tub. You gasped before coughing up copious amounts of water.

You tried opening your eyes, only to be met with terrible stinging from the soap. You quickly and blindly reached for a towel. You gripped one from the rack, yanking it and pulling to you and rubbing your face and eyes with it.  
After slowly calming down and pulling yourself out the bathtub. You clambered over to the mirror that hung above the sink where you rested your clean clothes. You wiped the foggy mirror with your hand. Your vision slowly coming back into focus as you stared at yourself. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked deep into the mirror.

The once familiar ring of color around your iris had turned a familiar deep red.


	3. A Lamb in the Wolfs Den

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF: rape, gore, injuries, violence, abuse, drugs, torture and blood.
> 
> Please be warned!

You shook your head, blinking a few times before shutting your eyes tightly. You breathed in deeply trying your best to calm yourself. Every nerve inside of you was on fire and on edge. Your fight or flight response was in full throttle and you needed yourself to be calm. You counted down from ten slowly, making sure to breathe in and out in between. By the time you reached five, you could feel the muscles inside your body finally relax. You opened your eyes, seeing the familiar gold ring around your iris.

You continued to count down, staring into your eyes before watching them go back to their original color. You pushed yourself away from the mirror before grabbing your clothes and slipping them on with shaky hands.

You couldn’t look in the mirror anymore and to stay in the bathroom wasn’t any better. You walked back into your room, shutting the door behind you. Yet, being in your room was somehow worse. Every hair on you stood on end making you feel more on edge than you already were. You felt like you were being watched or there was someone ready to jump out and attack you.

Your chest felt heavy, your heart clenched in your chest making everything inside you feel tight and restricted. It was becoming hard to breathe. You shut your eyes, trying to calm yourself but your mind didn’t let you. All you could hear were the faint whispers of your mind going into overdrive. Your eyes snapped open at the sound of glass crashing and before you knew it, you were bolting out of your room.

Something inside of you told you to run. You don’t know what, but you needed to get away from that noise and that room. The blood was pumping in your ears as you kept running down the halls of the tower, passing by agents who looked at you with worry. You didn’t dare look back as you suddenly felt like someone was chasing you. You closed your eyes feeling the familiar sting of tears before you ran right into someone’s chest.

You fell back on your bottom with an ‘oof’ escaping your lips. You put your hands up in defense seeing a large silhouette of someone towering over you. Something inside you expected them to attack so you cowered. Your inner Omega instincts telling you to make yourself as small as possible.

“Whoa, Y/N. Are you okay?”

You lowered your hands, the smell of cinnamon filling your senses calming you. You looked up to see Steve staring down at you with a worried expression etched onto his features. You looked away. swallowing dryly as embarrassment flooded you.

“Y-Yeah.” You croaked out, your voice hoarse from earlier.

Even though it was just Steve, you found yourself looking over your shoulder cautiously. Even though your vision was slightly blurry, you didn’t see anyone trying to attack you. Instead, you saw a group of agents gathering around whispering to each other as they looked at you with deep concern etched onto their features. 

Your cheeks burned with shame and you felt the need to cry again. Everything inside your head suddenly felt fuzzy as you were overwhelmed with confusion and fear. You could practically smell yourself as it came off of you in waves.  

“You don’t look ok. Here.”

You expected Steve to hold out his hand but when you felt him scoop you up into his arms and carry you, your eyes widened in fear but the Alpha pheromones and his scent was serving its purpose to calm your nerves. You let him carry you as you nudged your nose into his collarbone, right next to his scent gland.

He was the main Alpha of the pack. It was not uncommon for the main Alpha to care for the Omegas’ in a time of stress. With that knowledge in mind, you felt yourself relax into his arms, wrapping your own around his neck. “Thank you.” You murmured, whimpering practically as you still felt the edges of stress still hanging onto you. The images of your dream still flashing brightly in your mind.

He hummed a soft reply. “Shhh, it’s ok Omega.”

You closed your eyes, relaxing, letting him do his job before hearing the soft rattle of a door. You opened your eyes when you smelled the pungent scent of his nest.

“St-Steve?” You questioned softly, suddenly feeling like you were intruding on his private space. He didn’t reply but shut the door softly behind him with the boot of his shoe before walking you over to the bed and setting you down. You watched him as he pulled his chair from his desk. He pulled it till it was in front of you before sitting down in it.

“I needed to bring you to a safe space. I hope this is ok.”

You nodded as you sat up, letting your legs dangle off the edge of his bed. You felt safe and you knew nothing would hurt you but your mind didn’t agree with you. In the back of your mind, you could hear the faint reminder of who you are, what you’ve done and the inevitable of the future of your wrongdoings. Your body itched to lay down and sleep but even you knew in sleep there was no peace. You would just wake up from another nightmare.

Steve watched as you looked down at your feet. You held a thousand-yard stare as your mind reeled back. You did your best and tried to swallow the memories down like a shot of hard liquor. You could get drunk off your own thoughts if you just let them consume you.

“Y/N.”

Your gaze snapped up at the sound of your name. You met Steve’s blue eyes with your own. You didn’t realize the smell of stress you were giving off had been so potent until you were pulled out of your own mind.

“I know what happened,” He started and your eyes widened slightly. Your stomach dropped and you felt the blood rush from your face to your palms.   
“You are not at fault for what happened. You..” He started before drawing his lips into a tight line. He was trying to look for the right words but in reality, there wasn’t any. There were only words that kept you calm. Sedated. “You didn’t know."

It was your turn to look away because somewhere inside of yourself, you did know. You just didn’t want to believe it.

2 WEEKS LATER

“Well, no surprise here, you’re as healthy as Rogers.”

The doctor said after giving you your checkup. The Beta gave you a polite smile as she draped her stethoscope over her shoulders before picking up her clipboard from the small tray. “Now, you say you haven’t slept much?” She asked you as she glanced at the paper on the board at you.

You nodded slowly.

“Well, you need to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. We need to make sure everything up here,” She pointed to her head with a bright smile that had your stomach twisting. “Is as healthy as the rest of you. Your mental health is just as important as your physical.”

You nodded again before looking down at the floor.

“In the meantime, I will be prescribing you some medication. I expect you to be seeing a psychiatrist so I can properly prescribe you something. This will just help with sleeping.” She grabbed a pen from the pocket on her jacket as she began scribbling information down.

“Take one right before bed.” She said as she handed you a piece of paper. You furrowed your eyebrows as you read the information on the piece of paper.  
“Thi-This won’t hurt the pup, right? I breastfeed.”

She shook her head giving you that sweet smile. “Oh no, that stuff will be in and out of your system before morning.”

You gripped the paper tighter feeling on edge at her words. You could always pump before bed, you also had the formula just in case. “She feeds in the middle of the night still. She is four months now.” You admitted, your voice cracking. “What if I am too in deep of a sleep and can’t hear her?”  
Your stress was coming off of you in waves. 

The doctor quickly placed her hand on yours trying to calm you down. “It’s ok. Do you have anyone that can help you just in case?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you bit your lip, your mind raced over everyone. Well almost everyone.

You took the pill in your hand. Steve sat at the edge of your bed watching you. “You know Y/N, this will help you. You know that. You’ve done this before.” He reassured you, watching as your hand shook out of anxiety.

You and Steve had grown close during the past two weeks. Natasha and Wanda stuck to your side like glue but when you didn’t want to bother them with your medical or mental issues, you went to Steve. He was more willing to help. When you proposed the idea of him sleeping in your room till you were on some proper medication, he agreed happily. Though you were wary, he had an Omega.

You didn’t want to cause unnecessary tension. There had been so much shit going on in the pack in the past few years, you didn’t want to add more onto it. Though he never brought up Sharon and you didn’t smell her on him. You came to the conclusion he would have said something if it was a problem.

You breathed out through your nose before looking over at the nursery. Jaymee was passed out wrapped up in her favorite blanket. She had decided she liked the blue fuzzy blanket with elephants all over it and you agreed. You were a sucker for the elephant designs on baby blankets.

“Are you sure about this Steve? What about Sharon?” You found yourself questioning out loud as you looked back at him. His expression changed quickly and you could smell the faint sadness that he gave off.

“Sharon won’t mind, trust me.” He breathed before giving you a soft smile.  
You narrowed your eyes at him. You could tell he was hiding something but you didn’t push further seeing that that was his personal business.

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re a horrible liar?”

He chuckled ducking his head down before looking back up at you. “Is that a bad thing? I can’t tell a lie.”

You smiled at this before resting back against the bed. “I guess you have a point.”

Steve stood up, making his way over to his side of the bed before snuggling up under the covers. You gave a small sigh before popping the pill in your mouth, reaching over to the glass of water and taking a generous gulp. You looked over at Steve opening your mouth and moved your tongue around and he gave you a giant smile.

“Was that so hard?”

He teased and you rolled your eyes before shifting yourself further under the covers before resting your head on the pillow. “Shut up Rogers or I’ll make you sleep on the floor.”

He chuckled before reaching over and turning off the lamp. It took you a few minutes of awkward silence but eventually, your eyes fluttered shut and you passed out.

\-----

You sat in a chair, Jaymee wrapped in your arms still. You hadn’t let her go since your arrest only an hour or so ago. After gathering all the evidence they needed from your body, scraping your fingernails, taking your fingerprints, gathering every fluid that decorated your body and scraping the inside of your mouth, they finally tended to your wounds, let you shower and gave you new clothes. An orange jumpsuit.

Your knuckles ached, bloody and busted but somehow you still felt nothing.  
“Y/N Y/L/N” An officer announced as he opened the door to the interrogation room, a file in hand. You looked up at him through your lashes before looking at your daughter who was still asleep.

You knew who he was and you recognized him instantly. Officer Barocio. He had been the one to arrest you all those times way back in the day. You held a strained relationship with him but you both knew how each other worked. Even though he was an Alpha and you were nothing but a mere Omega, he feared you. He just would never admit it.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you last. I see that you’ve stayed out of trouble.” He stated as he took a seat across from you. The metal chair scraped loudly against the linoleum flooring but you don’t even flinch while the other two officers did.

You watched as he seated himself across from you, opening your file and flipping through it. He hums nodding before looking at you.

“There is no information about you or your family since you were born. Only a birth certificate. Y/N L/N. Youngest daughter of four. Father, Y/F/N, and Mother Y/M/N. Three older brothers, all Alpha’s.” He drummed on making you grit your teeth at the mention of your family. He doesn’t notice or at least makes no indication that he did.

“Except you of course,” He started and you don’t even look at him as he babbles on. “The only Omega in the entire family except for your mother.” 

You can hear him close the file and you finally look up at him.

“You still got a little Alpha in you, though. Don’t you?”

He continued on as you looked back down at your daughter. It was the same old song and dance. He stated your previous history, asked you rhetorical questions he knew all the answers to. This was all for a show, of course, he just wanted to see you get riled up. You didn’t respond anymore, you didn’t feel the need to.

Except, this time, he didn’t continue on as you had expected. You didn’t look away or make any moves to show that this surprised you. You waited for him instead and watched as he closed the file, handing it to one of the other police officers standing in the corner of the room.

“Is that what made you snap today?” He asked but you didn’t answer, nor did you flinch when he practically spat the words at you. “You murdered someone today but you claim it was in self-defense. Sounds familiar.” He stated before clicking his tongue on the roof his mouth.

One of the officers walked over and handed him another file. This time pictures spill out of it. You can see the red splatters in the pictures and the mangled parts of multiple bodies out of your peripheral. Except these are older photos.

Suddenly the taste of metal is on your tongue again and you swallow, feeling your throat constrict.

“You remember these, don’t you? It’s been about sixteen years, give or take. I may be getting old.”

His voice strains as he reaches up to scratch his head. He looks at you and sneers seeing you not respond before slamming his hand down on the metal table. You don’t flinch and neither does your daughter. You look up at him finally. Your stare is cold and holds nothing but emptiness. You give no emotion, no scent and this angers him.

“I know what they did to you. I remember the videotapes. They recorded them, you remember?”

His voice suddenly feels distant as you began counting the whiskers decorating his face. You are trying your best to stay calm as he digs back into old wounds trying to wind you up. You can see the other two officers shift uncomfortably. They seem to know about you and your past but you pay them no mind.

“All Alpha’s, except you. Must have been hard.” He breathed before standing up causing you to break your gaze. You looked at the door behind him and count the number of divots in the paint on the wall.

“All those beatings, drugging you up, tying you down and letting all the Alpha’s in the family have their way with you during your heats’ and their ruts. Using you as their personal toy.”

He says all of this like it’s he is stating what he ate for dinner that day. You feel your insides turn as the memories flash through your head. Memories that you’ve learned to repress for years.  They are all fuzzy like static on television but you remember them. The taste, the smell, the mold of the room and clothes. The blood, the drugs, the constant bruises.

“You were just a pathetic Omega. A mistake in that family. Right? They wanted all Alpha’s and you were the only Omega.” His demeanor is calm but you can smell the anger drip off of him like a leaky faucet. “Then you got pregnant.”

You snap your gaze up to him, your teeth bared and he smirks.

“How did it feel to let those Alpha instincts kick in and slaughter every single one of them?” He asked as he placed his hands on the desk, leaning in towards you.

You can feel the familiar glow in your eyes but the small movement of your daughter in your arms has you crashing back down to reality.

“How did it feel to do it again? You suppressed that part of you for so long, it was bound to come out.” He stands up, straightening himself as he picks up a few photos and practically shoves them in your face.

The images are filled with mangled parts of your brothers, mother, and father. Their necks are ripped open, blood pooled around their bodies. Giant gashes decorating their chest and large chunks of flesh had been ripped out of their bodies and spit back out. Their limbs had been torn off and one of your brothers was practically decapitated. All the men have their genitals ripped off. Their eyes are gouged out but you don't flinch at it. Their faces are contorted into frozen screams of horror but it doesn’t terrify you.

You look back up at Officer Barocio to see him giving you a cold hard look.

“This was not an act of self-defense. You killed out of cold-blood.” He flings the pictures onto the table but you don’t break your gaze from him. “You’ll keep killing. Just like you did today and possibly one day,” He breathes as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “You’ll kill your daughter too. You will slaughter like an innocent lamb all because you're a wolf that needs to be fed.”

You look down at your daughter almost immediately. Your heart starts racing and suddenly the reality of the situation sets in. You most likely would.

You could feel the sweat gather on your forehead as your eyebrows furrowed. You tried your best to repel the dark thoughts that crept in. Everything started to feel fuzzy, your head spun and you snapped your gaze up at the sound of laughter. The officers were laughing at you. The laughter got louder and suddenly you couldn’t feel your daughter in your arms anymore. You looked down immediately, your hands were covered in blood and you felt your Alpha instincts kick in at the sound of a baby crying.

You looked around trying to find Jaymee but the room suddenly became darker and darker until you were back in your old apartment.

Loud thunder cracked outside your window and you practically flung your hands up in defense. You looked around your living room before walking to the nursery with quiet footsteps. That’s when you saw a hand on the floor.

Blood dripping from its fingertips.

\-----

You shot out of bed, sweat drenching your clothes. You clutched your chest, your heart was practically racing a mile a minute and your lungs were on fire. You looked over to the other side of the bed and see that it’s empty. Panic sets in before you register your own movements. You quickly scrambled out of bed towards the nursery. Before you even reach the doorway, you see Steve holding Jaymee in his arms, rocking her back and forth gently, whispering nonsense to her.

He looks up at you as soon as the smell of stress hits him. His eyes widen slightly as he takes in your form.

“Is she okay? I heard crying.” You asked, your voice is strained, bordering on frantic as you made your way over to them. 

Steve bends down to show you her face and you breathe a sigh of relief seeing her sleeping comfortably in his arms. “She didn’t cry. I just heard her starting to shift in her bed before making a few sounds of distress. Just turns out she needed her diaper changed and a bottle.” Steve whispered calmingly before going back to rocking your daughter.

You looked around the nursery seeing the empty used bottle resting on a desk and you make a mental note to remind yourself to bring it to the kitchen in the morning.

Steve looks at you and pushes his arms out slightly drawing your gaze back to him. “Do you want to hold her?”

You shook your head still feeling the stress roll off of you in waves. “I think it’s best she is not around me right now.” You breathed before leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. She slightly stirs but doesn’t wake up. You turned back on your heels and go back to sitting on your bed. A few moments later, Steve puts Jaymee back in her crib before joining you.

“You were fidgeting in your sleep a lot. Nightmares?” He asked as he pulled the covers away before settling in.

You shift awkwardly as you pick at the stitching of the duvet. “Yeah… I guess.” You admitted and you suddenly feel Steve’s hand on yours. You look up to see the small smile gracing his features.

“Hey, it’s alright. I get them too. Just, not as much anymore. You’ll get through this. You’ve done it before.”

You smiled at his reassurance before intertwining his fingers with your own.  
You rest your head back against the headboard and stare at the ceiling letting your body relax. Yet, you still feel every nerve standing on edge. Everything inside of you is telling you to check every nook and cranny to make sure you’re safe but you don’t. Instead, you stay still trying to will the dark thoughts away, convincing yourself that it was just a bad dream. Even though you can hear the soft snores of your daughter in the other room, it’s taking everything in your power to not get up and check on her.

“Hey.”

Steve pulled you out of your thoughts again making you snap your gaze to him. He is staring at you, his eyes filled with concern that you can practically smell it off of him. 

“Come here.” He pushes the covers down giving you some room to move over. 

You don’t know what to say but you go anyway. 

Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around you, comforting you to the best of his ability. The strong Alpha scent he was giving off was the only thing calming every nerve in your body as you did your best to relax into his embrace.  
You feel him shift, only to realize he is pushing your hair off of your shoulder, exposing your scent gland. You look at him with wide eyes and he chuckles softly. “Don’t worry, I am just scenting you. I want you to calm down.”

You take his words with a grain of salt before nodding. You tilt your neck to the side and let him do what he needs.

He leans down inhales your scent gland, his other hand going to your hip to hold you still just in case. You almost jump at the contact but the hold he has on you is gentle and reassuring. He nudges it with his nose, letting his skin come into contact with yours.

Your nerves relax as you suddenly feel an influx of your own alpha pheromones fill your system. You felt more in control and suddenly at calm with everything inside you. He continues rubbing his face against your scent gland. It’s soft reassuring and friendly. You purr in response, a sign that you are happy and content.

You gasp when gives your scent gland a long lick, before kissing it. Something inside you is telling you to push him away but instead, you card your fingers through his hair encouraging him to continue. Another voice in your head tells you to let him continue and that you want this, you needed this. It was comforting. His hands on you felt like he was anchoring you down to reality yet keeping you adrift in a sea of bliss. 

He growls lowly before nipping just below your bonding gland. The feeling alone has a small moan escape your lips. “You smell so sweet.” He growls lowly and you whimper in response suddenly feeling your Omega pheromones come off in waves. He pulls away from your neck as he slips the hand on your hip to your cheek. He looks at you, his eyes are dark and warm. You can feel his warm breath caress your lips before he closes his eyes as he leans in and kisses you. His lips are soft and sweet, everything that Steve is but the sudden thought of Bucky enters your mind and you pull away quickly.

You look at him with wide eyes at the realization of what just happened. He opens his mouth to say something but before he does, you scramble off the bed and you’re out the door before he can even get one word out.

You run, you don't know where to, leaving Jaymee behind.


	4. Homecoming

You just kept running, tears burned behind your eyes as you felt your insides twisting with guilt. You wiped at your mouth, still feeling the invisible pressure of Steve’s lips against your own. You felt nothing but disgust and anger. Everything inside you screamed, voices filled your head as your calves burned with a fire you never knew you had. Everything felt wrong and you didn’t know what to think or even feel anymore. You turned the corner of the hallway, your feet finally slowing down and coming to a stop in front of a door.

Even with your heart pounding in your ears, and the heaviness of your lungs, you found yourself recognizing it. Your loud labored breaths filled the quiet empty space of the hallway as you took in everything. You hadn’t seen this door since the day you left. The first time you left.

Instinctively, your hand reached out for the handle of the door. As soon as you felt the cold metal against your skin, you recoiled your hand, as if it burned you. Images flashed through your head of Bucky’s hand intertwining with your own on cold nights. You shut your eyes tightly, willing the thoughts away before reaching out again and opening the door slowly, revealing an old, dusty room.

The room you shared with Bucky.

Everything looked exactly how you left it. Bed sheets were strewn about, closet doors were still open, hangers scattered all over the room, drawers open, mirrors smashed, pillows ripped open, furniture knocked over and emptied. Except, this time, there was no scent. Yet as soon as you crossed the threshold, you caught the faint scent of black coffee and oak and inhaled deeply, closing your eyes.

It was as if Bucky never left the room.

You walked in further, memories began playing in your head on repeat. This is where you made love, fought, cried, laughed and had three a.m. talks about life and recovery. This is where everything blossomed and made you forget about your past.

This is also where you caught him cheating. This is where everything had ended.

\----

You whimpered in your sleep as images of rain flashed behind your eyelids. Your pup clutched in your hold as you looked out the window, watching the raindrops race down the glass of the nursery’ window. You woke with a jolt as you suddenly heard Jaymees’ familiar cry fill your ears. You shot up to find that you had fallen asleep in the living room on the couch. You winced, groaning, as a headache formed at the base of your skull.

The smell of cinnamon made you snap your gaze behind you to find Steve, holding Jaymee. She looked at you with her wide blue eyes and a bright smile on her face. You suddenly felt calm at her presence but the uneasiness didn’t stop as Steve’s scent still lingered.

“She wouldn’t stop fussing until I found you,” Steve admitted sheepishly as he made his way over to you to hand you your daughter.

You nodded as you took your daughter, smiling as she kicked her feet excitedly to be in your arms again. “Thank you.” You whispered hoarsely before smelling your daughter. You rubbed the pulse point of your wrist on her cheek, scenting her. She babbled excitedly at this and you laughed lightly, grinning as she grabbed your finger, bringing it to her mouth.

“I think she is starting to teethe,” Steve commented, making you look at him before looking back at your daughter.

You pulled your finger away from her hold making her let out a whine before you opened her mouth gently with your forefinger and thumb to see one little tooth barely breaching her bottom gums. You let out a huffed sigh; knowing you were going to have switched her to strictly bottles soon and you already knew that was going to be a hassle.

“Yeah, she is.” You admitted with a hopeless sigh as you let Jaymee grab your finger and bring her to her mouth once again. You laughed as she tried gumming the joint of your fingers before shaking your finger in her hand with an excited squeal.

Your daughter was growing fairly quickly, especially with her father’s genes and super serum in her DNA. She was going to grow like a weed on steroids and you were not prepared for it. At least, not by yourself.

Through the week, you successfully avoided Steve and all the questions from your friends. Natasha slept in your bed instead. Surprisingly, she didn’t budge on the subject of Steve as she could smell your frustration and anger come off in waves anytime he was in the room. Everyone knew you were going through a tough time, that they didn’t bother to push.

Wanda kept her distance, after a bad panic attack, after she accidentally read your mind. She swore not to tell anyone what she saw or heard and you believed her, partially.

Jaymee kicked her legs in your lap, as she started to cry in frustration. With a sigh, you held her up by her arms so her feet were touching the ground. She was starting to want to walk even more as the days passed. A part of you was relieved. This meant soon you wouldn’t have to carry her so much everywhere. Yet, another part of you hated it, she was growing up so fast right before your eyes.

Sam watched smiling as she took a hesitant step forward, kicking her leg out only to bring it back. You pulled her forward, making her step forward. She babbled in glee and you smiled seeing her excited.

“She is growing so fast,” Sam commented as Jaymee took another hesitant step forward, this time putting more weight on her foot.

You blew out a sad sigh before looking up at him. “You’re telling me.”

He chuckled before crouching down and putting out his hands, making grabbing motions. “Come on Jaymee. You can do it!” He cheered making her let out a squeal of happiness as she brought her other foot forward with confidence.

You watched, smiling as she slowly made her way to Sam. You let go of her as he took her up into his arms, kissing her plump cheeks before settling her into one arm.

“She is getting chunkier every day,” Sam commented as he let Jaymee wrap her hand around one of his fingers. You smiled, cocking an eyebrow at him before looking at your daughter.

“Well, she is only a baby. It’s normal.” You replied back before sitting down on the couch.

“What’s going on? You haven’t really talked to any of us since you got back.” Sam asked as he made his way over to you before sitting down next to you. 

You blew out a sigh before laying down. “Sam please don’t.” You started before grabbing one of the couch pillows and placing it under your head. “I’ve been through enough shit to last me three lifetimes.”

“I’ll say.”

He placed Jaymee on her playmat on the floor. You glued your eyes to her, watching as she rocked herself back and forth on her hands and knees before slowly rolling herself over onto her back.

“You came here with bruises, scars and you looked like you hadn’t slept in a century. Don’t try to tell me it’s from Jaymee because I have a little niece and I know what it’s like.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment before looking at him through your lashes. He smirked seeing you frustrated with him before crossing his arms over his broad chest. You huffed out a sigh, seeing as he wasn’t going to let up. Steve and Natasha were starting to rub off on him. “Sam please drop it. I just,” You started before shutting your eyes. “I just want everything to go back to normal.”

Sam chuckled beside you making you open your eyes and look at him. “Your life has been anything but normal Y/N.”

You looked away, your heart sinking in your chest as you let his words sink in, he was right. 

\----

It was the final night before Bucky’s return and you really didn’t have time to digest everything. Instead, you stayed up all night, constantly glancing over to the nursery. Jaymee didn’t stir the entire night and Natasha stayed up with you, though, she didn’t ask questions. Instead, she pulled out a book and read quietly waiting for you to settle down.

“Bucky is coming back.”

You broke the silence, looking at the door of your room. Natasha looked up from her book and glanced at you. Your expression was filled with sorrow and a mixture of joy. She could smell the stress coming off of you. Your pheromones coated the room as your dark thoughts clouded your mind.

“He is.” She started, hoping to pull you from wherever you were letting your mind wander off to. You didn’t respond letting it become silent for a moment as she closed the book and placing it on her lap. “Are you ready to face him?”

You tore your gaze away from the door and looked at her. For a moment, you swore you could see sadness fill her eyes as she took in your appearance.  
Your eyes were bloodshot, dark circles had formed under them and your hair was disheveled. You looked like a mess and you desperately needed sleep. Yet, even with the medication pumping in your bloodstream, your body fought against it. Sleep would do you no good, not tonight.

“I don’t know.” You cleared your throat, feeling the familiar knot form in your throat. You blinked, pulling your lips into a tight line before opening your mouth to let out a shuddering breath. ”I don’t know if I can-” Your voice strained but before you could finish, Natasha pulled you into a hug. You stiffened in her hold but when you smelled the black coffee she had drank earlier you suddenly found yourself sobbing in her embrace.

Your throat strained as tears stung your eyes. You wrapped your arms around her as you sobbed loudly into her neck. She rubbed your back, soothing you as you finally let yourself express everything you had been holding back for almost four years. You clutched tightly to her shirt, as you sniffled loudly.

“Shhh, it’s ok. You’ll be ok. I promise.”

You passed out in Natasha’s arms only to wake up to Jaymee sleeping between you and her in the bed. You felt rejuvenated, that was probably the best sleep you had gotten in so long. You smiled, seeing Jaymee curled into you. You didn’t dare to make a move until Natasha stirred awake. Groaning, she rolled over to face you and Jaymee.

Natasha smiled, watching as Jaymee slowly opened her eyes. Her bright blue eyes shining brightly as she blinked a few times before letting out a whine followed by a giggle.

“Good Morning little one.” You cooed at Jaymee before kissing her tummy. She smiled, kicking her hands and legs in the air.

Natasha smiled, watching the both of you before sliding out of bed.  
“I am going to go eat. I’ll let you know when everything is ready.”

You nodded before sitting up in bed and smiled down at Jaymee as you pulled down the straps of your tank top before grabbing her bib from the nightstand.  
“Hungry?” You asked, cooing at her, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her belly. She giggled, swinging her arms in the air excitedly.

\----

Bucky walked off the quintet, his uniform torn and his hair a nest on his head despite its short length. He looked like he had been to hell and back, yet he had a pep in his step as he walked back into the compound.

Steve greeted him, patting him on the back before escorting him to the meeting room for a debriefing. Bucky joked with Steve about the mission, assuring him it was easier than anticipated. Steve laughed as Bucky recalled a few ways he easily he had knocked some Hydra agents out.

“I should try that sometime.” Steve joked as he pressed the elevator button.  
Bucky laughed along with him before something caught had his attention as soon as the elevator doors slid open. He stood still, his blood, pumping faster through his body as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

Passionfruit and jasmine.

His eyes snapped open before looking back at Steve with a wide-eyed expression. “Is… Is she here?” He asked, his voice slightly shaking. Steve nodded slowly but before he could get a word out, Bucky was already racing down the hallways of the tower towards you.

You sighed, cradling Jaymee as she suckled from your breast, her hand splayed on your breast as you busied yourself with a book in your other hand. You smiled down at her as she pulled away to yawn only to go back to feeding.  
Your attention to your daughter had been pulled away, as the strong smell of black coffee and oak became stronger. You could hear the loud stomping of heavy feet as if someone was running towards you. Your eyes widened as they became louder before suddenly stopping.

You looked up from Jaymee to see Bucky in your doorway. His eyes slightly dilating as his gaze met yours. Everything seemed to be at a standstill as you took in his appearance. His hair is messy, dark circles decorate underneath his eyes. A dark shadow of scruff decorating his sturdy jaw. He looked exhausted and worn out. His uniform dirty, some of it had dirt caked on parts of it, parts of it had been ripped slightly and you shudder inwardly, feeling memories flash behind your eyes.

Bucky took in your appearance just the same. You looked just as lovely as the day he met you and everything felt unreal to him. He wanted to grab you and kiss you, make sure you’re real but the small sound of his daughter suckling at your breast assures him that this is real. He switches his gaze to her and his breath hitches slightly in his throat. He feels weak at the knees at the sight of his pup attached to you. He quickly looks back up at you, your eyes shimmer as something shines behind them. He can’t tear his gaze away from you and all he wants to do is hold you but his feet felt cemented to the ground.

You both don’t say anything. Bucky doesn’t budge or even blink. He just stares and you just don’t know what to do. He is just as handsome as you remembered and you didn’t realize how much you missed him until now. The smell of him, the real him, made you dizzy. You were sure you were about to faint as you kept staring back at him. You knew he was coming back, you just hadn’t expected him to show up at your doorstep so suddenly. Now that he was here, you had no idea what to say or do.

You watched as his eyes go from your face to Jaymees’. He swallows visibly before looking up at you again. His expression is unreadable but the corner of his lip perks up into a small, light smirk that has your heart beating faster.  
Suddenly, you feel relief washing over you. Everything feels normal. You feel your mouth moving on its’ own, words leave your mouth before you can stop them.

“Hey, James.”


	5. Secrets and Memories

Steve ran after Bucky, watching with caution as he peered down the hall. He watched as Bucky stood at the doorway making no indication to move. Suddenly, he could smell the pheromones radiating off Bucky before he stepped inside in your room, shutting the door behind him. Guilt started settling deep into his gut as his mind reeled back to the night he kissed you.

“What are you up to?”

Natasha’s voice nearly made him jump out of his skin as she appeared behind him. He snapped his gaze to her taking in her posture. She had crossed her arms over her chest, with a manicured eyebrow raised as she studied him with a coy smirk decorating her features.

“I just wanted to make sure-” He was abruptly cut off as Natasha waved her hand in the air silencing him.

“First off, you’re a really bad liar.” She started before popping her hip out as she cocked her head to the side. “What’s going on frosty? Y/N hasn’t talked to you all week. Usually, you two are always talking or hanging out.”

Steve shifted his gaze away from Natasha, back to your door. He couldn’t hear anything due to the distance but he could smell Bucky’s scent mingling with yours. “There is nothing going on Nat. Y/N has been through a lot. She just needed space.” Steve said as he turned his gaze back to Natasha who just smirked at him, letting her eyes drift up and down his body before looking back into his eyes.

“You know, you used to be really comfy with me. Now that Sharon is gone, you are just as bad as Bucky is” She stated with a coy smirk before her face dropped. Her eyes widened as she watched him bite his lip, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. Steve stared back at your door making realization wash over her. She growled and gripped Steve’s wrist making him snap his gaze back to her. “What did you do Rogers?” She questioned, her tone held a dark threat despite her rank. She searched his eyes for an answer, seeing them slightly shift. She smelled the stress coming off him in waves as he looked back at her before yanking his hand away. He didn’t respond, instead, he looked away. “If you did anything-” Natasha started before Steve snapped his gaze to her. 

His eyebrows furrowed and eyes barely glowing red. “Don’t Nat.” He snapped bitterly. He bared his teeth as he stared her down. She didn’t back down despite the threat of a challenge.

“If you’re going to be guilty about something, you better do a better job of hiding it.” She snapped back with just as much force. “I can smell it off of you.” She hissed making him straighten his posture. He glared hard down at her, his eyes narrowing despite the lack of red in his iris, before turning around and walking away. She stared at him before glancing back towards your room. She still could smell his guilt as he walked away from her, it stuck to the walls of the hallway and her skin like a bad night terror.

\-----

Bucky smiled, your words calming him. He finally crossed the threshold into your nest, closing the door behind him before looking down at Jaymee, as he made his way over to you.

You smiled up at him before looking down at her, noticing she was done. Slowly pulling back up the straps to your shirt, you gently laid her against your chest and patted her back. She let out a small burp of satisfaction making you smile seeing Bucky slightly chuckle. “You want to hold her?” You asked as you held her to your chest.

His smile dropped and his eyebrows furrowed for a second as he looked down at his hand The metal plates shifting slightly, humming lowly. You reached out to him, grabbing the metal hand. His gaze immediately snapping up to you.

“Bucky, it’s ok.”

He looked at you with uncertainty as you slowly pulled Jaymee away from your body.

“She won’t know who I am.”

“You’re her father. She will.” You assured him as you stood up, stepping closer to him. He nervously switched his gaze between Jaymee and you before taking her in his arms.

“Hold her head, don’t move her too much. She just ate.” You whispered, smiling down at your daughter as Bucky cradled her in his metal prosthetic, despite his earlier uncertainty. She looked as if she was about to cry but you grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand, and rubbed his wrist against her face gently, scenting her.

She smiled wide before letting out a giggle of joy as she reached out and clutched onto his wrist. You looked up to see Bucky’s eyes widen before a large goofy grin painted his features causing his eyes to crinkle at the sides.

“How does she know?” He asked, his voice slightly shaking and you bit your lip smiling as he looked at you.

“I may or may not have had Steve send me some of your clothes while you were out on missions. She would sleep in them and lay on them.” You admitted bashfully making him smile even wider.

“Really?”

“Well yeah. I mean,” You started before shrugging your shoulders. “She is your daughter. You were going to meet her eventually. I didn’t want her to think you were a stranger.”

Bucky sat with you and Jaymee for the rest of the day, completely forgetting about breakfast, as you both got lost in your own little world. You watched as Bucky smiled down at Jaymee, his perfect teeth on display as he kissed her belly, making her giggle as his scruff tickled her. Bucky laid next to Jaymee on your bed. He ran his flesh thumb over her forehead, brushing some of her hair away. She smiled up at him, her hands coming up to grab his hand only to have him pull away just in time.

“Hey, pretty girl.” He cooed softly, watching as she kicked her legs out and her small hands coming up to grab at his wrist again. She babbled excitedly as she successfully grabbed onto one of his fingers. Her tongue poked out to blow a raspberry making him chuckle as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead again. “I didn’t think she’d ever look like me.” He admitted softly, not tearing his eyes away from her.

You raised an eyebrow at this before looking down at her. She definitely had his eyes, lips, and ears but she there was some elements that made her look like you as well. You looked up at Bucky to see him still smiling down at her, letting her grab his finger, shake it up and down as she babbled.

“She is starting to teethe.” You spoke up after a moment or two making him look up at you.

He smiled before looking down at Jaymee. As if on cue, she brought his finger to her mouth, sucking on the joint of his finger with her gums. He furrowed his eyebrows before letting out a low chuckle.

“Yeah I can feel them. Dang.” He hisses the last part, pulling his hand away from Jaymee only to have her pull it back to her mouth.

You giggled, watching as she gives him a doe-eyed look making Bucky look up at you with uncertainty.

“Is she ever going to give me my finger back?” He joked, sounding slightly serious making you shrug.

“I don’t think so bud.“ You laughed lightly making him smile. "I have yet to find a chupón she likes. Every single one I buy her, she rejects.” You sighed before laying your head down.

“You mean a pacifier?” Bucky counteracts and you roll your eyes with a smile.  
“Yes, I mean a paci, you ding-dong.” You responded making him laugh.

He shrugs his shoulders before looking down at Jaymee once again. “Maybe she just likes the boob.”

You roll your eyes, watching as Jaymee pulled Bucky’s finger out of her mouth to shake his hand around some more, kicking her legs out as she squealed in delight before blowing another raspberry. “God, I hope not. As soon as she gets teeth, I am just pumping out milk for her. It will be a hassle but it’s better than my nipples going raw and sore because of it.”

Bucky quirked an eyebrow, his eyes going down to your breasts and you glare at him, catching his wandering gaze before slapping his shoulder gently. “Hey, eyes up here.” You say, pointing to your face. He chuckles before looking back to Jaymee, his cheeks dusting a light shade of pink.

“Sorry, sorry.”

You smiled before looking back at Jaymee. You watch in silence as Bucky played with her, making up for lost time

Bucky had stayed in your room for the rest of the day. It had been mostly spent teaching him how to take care of Jaymee. He got the hang of things quickly. Holding her was still a challenge since she liked to be in the standing position the majority of the time. 

After bathing her in the little infant tub that Tony had bought you. You placed her on her changing station, her little onesie right next to her.

“Alright, Bucky. Pay close attention.” You said as you grabbed her fresh new diaper. You could feel Bucky standing behind you watching as you showed him how to properly put a new diaper on his daughter. She babbled along, grabbing her onesie, bringing the sleeve to her mouth.

Bucky quickly leaned over, making his body press against yours. You froze instantly, watching as he pulled the onesie from her grasp and replace it with a rattle that laid nearby.

You closed your eyes, inhaling slowly, his pheromones and scent were coming off stronger than normal causing you to blush.

He slowly pulled away, his nose tickling as the scent of your arousal picked up. He bit his lip to suppress the growl that threatened to escape his lips. You stayed still, as he lightly pressed his nose into your neck, inhaling slowly. His lips grazed your skin as his hands slid to your hips, gently squeezing there. 

You smelled too good to him. Your scent had matured since giving birth and it had his knees practically buckling. He knew this wasn't the right time right now but he couldn't help it, especially when you let out a gasp when his fingertips slipped underneath your shirt, resting just on your waist. 

“Bu-Bucky…” You stuttered out, finally feeling words coming to you as he nudged at your scent gland.

His eyes snapped open and he quickly pulled himself away from, realizing his own actions. “Sorry.” He breathed, his eyes shifting down to the floor. “I-I’ll be in my room.” 

You quickly turned around only to see that he had already left.

\----

5 MONTHS AGO

Strong arms wrap around your middle, lips pressing against your shoulder as you washed the dishes. You smiled, tilting your head to the side, giving him more access.

“What are you doing?” He asks and you smiled wider.

“Dishes, ya know, the thing that needs to be done every night.” You replied, making him chuckle.

“Yeah but my Omega shouldn’t be doing the dishes. You should be in bed, resting.” He responds back just as quickly and you roll your eyes before shivering as he nudges at your scent gland with his nose again.

“You smell so good. So sweet.” He purrs low, almost bordering on a growl and you shiver at the sudden change of tone. “Your old scent is finally coming back but its different. It's stronger, sweeter. Its almost like you're in heat.” He notes and you quirk an eyebrow.

“Really now?”

He growls low at your challenging tone and turns you around. You giggle as he presses you against the counter. "I don't know how other Alpha's are going to keep their hands off you, I barely can." He grunts as he slips his hands up and down your body as if he is trying to prove a point. 

“Aiden, you’re going to get soap everywhere!” You giggled as he kissed your neck, trailing kisses down to your collarbones. He smiles against your skin and pulls away to press his forehead against yours.

“You sound like that’s never happened.” He jokes and you slap his shoulder lightly.

“That was before Alaska.” You shoot back and he smiles before leaning down to kiss your neck. “Aiden please.” You gasped as he bites your neck before sucking on the skin. “Oh god.” You sigh, clutching onto his shoulders. “Baby, I can’t. The doctor said I need to wait.” You sighed out before biting your bottom lip as he licks the purple mark.

“I know.” He admits before going to the other side and biting down on the skin making you gasp. “I just need to touch you. My rut is coming up and I need to feel you right now.” He breathes heavily and you whimper as his voice dips an octave lower. 

The sudden crying of your children pulls him away and he chuckles lightly before looking up at you. You quirk an eyebrow at him and he huffs a sigh.  
"You should go to them. Bella probably needs to be changed.” You whispered making him smile.

“Alright but you’re going back to bed after finishing those dishes.” He says before kissing your forehead, pulling away from you.

\-------

It had been a full week without Jaymee sleeping in your room. Bucky sometimes would come to you in the middle of the night and have you hold her because she missed you. You had thought about having Bucky sharing a room with you again but after everything that had happened, you decided against it.

You had joined everyone in the common room for lunch. Jaymee bounced on Wanda’s knee, babbling excitedly. You watched smiling, grateful for a break and to have time to eat a full meal.

“Hey Y/N, I talked to Banner for you.” Your gaze snapped up to see Tony enter the common room, Vision trailing right behind him. “He would be happy to help you again.”

The room fell dead silent and you could feel Bucky’s gaze out of your peripheral. “Help. Help with what?” He questioned making Natasha clear her throat.

“Well, you know, being a parent is hard,” Natasha commented before taking a sip of her tea. “She just needs help coping and getting used to the stress.”  
You looked over at Natasha who smiled at you and you mentally thanked her for covering you. You looked to see Bucky looking back at you with uncertainty and you smiled gently placing a hand on his own. “I’m fine. I just need some help.” You spoke softly and he sighed before rolling his eyes.

“But I am here. I can help you.” He started before Tony cut him off. “No offense metal head but Y/N needs a therapist.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Tony before looking at you. “You don’t need one. I am here now. I will help you.”

“Yeah, Bucky I know but I do. I need help.” You admitted, your voice slightly straining at the last part making your stress come off in waves. You could see everyone shift uncomfortably from where they were except Bucky who just kept his normal posture.

“You should know better than to question this type of thing Barnes,” Natasha added making Bucky snap his gaze to her. “You were in desperate need of help when Steve found you.”  
“This is different.” Bucky snapped back making you wince at the harsh tone he gave off.

“No, it’s not. She needs help.” Natasha snapped back.

Before you knew it, Bucky had kicked his chair out as he stood up accidentally knocking over a glass pitcher, causing it to fall and crash on the ground.  
You screamed at the sound, your heart racing in your chest as you curled into yourself, putting your hands up in defense making the room go silent as your breathing became short and labored. Tears brimmed in your eyes as memories flashed behind your eyes.

Suddenly you felt yourself being pulled into someone’s chest, the smell of coffee was knocking you back into reality. Bucky held you close to his chest in immediate response before looking up at Natasha who just sipped her drink before looking at him with a stoic expression despite the sadness that showed behind her eyes.

“She needs help.”

\----

Bucky carried you back to your room. Wanda kept watch over Jaymee, saying it was best to get your wits about you before being around her again. Bucky held you close to his chest as you slowly calmed down, rubbing soothing circles against your back as you sobbed into his chest.

He knew something was up ever since he came back. Something huge was missing but he didn’t question it, especially when Steve had pulled him to the side warning him.

\----

“She isn’t well Buck. She went through a lot.”  
Bucky paced the floor of his room, his hands tangling in his hair as he tried his best to process everything.

“I know. I saw.”

Steve is taken back by this. His hands dig into the pockets of his jeans as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“You do?”

Bucky’s gaze snaps up to him and there is something swimming behind Steve’s eyes. Hurt, regret? He can’t tell and he was showing no signs of emotion, not even the faintest smell of distress.

“I saw the news. They were playing it everywhere.”

Steve’s eyes widen and he looks down at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. “So you know?”  
Bucky shifts, his arms crossing over his chest before he blows out a puff of air. “As much as Fury was willing to let them cover. I only know as much as you do.“

Steve stares at his friend before rolling his lips into a tight line. He searches his face for any indication of emotion only to be met with cold dead silence of his childhood best friend.  
“I’m sorry Buck.”

\-----

“Oh fuck.” You gasped as Bucky thrusted into you.

He grunted in response, biting and nipping at your neck before leaving open mouth kisses, he licked at the bruised flesh before trailing kisses down to your breasts. His flesh hand intertwined with your own while the metal one was rubbing your clit feverishly. You whimpered, moaning louder as you dug your nails into his shoulder blades.

“Fuck you feel so fucking good.” He grunts as he presses his forehead back into the crook of your shoulder, moaning into your neck. He swivels his hips more into a grinding motion making you cry out.

“Oh fuck James,” You whimpered, burying your face into his neck and biting down on the curve of his shoulder. He growls lowly, his thrusts becoming faster making you arch your back into him.

“Come on doll.” He grunts, his voice raspy and hoarse. “I need to feel you cum. Come on, give it to me.” You whimper in response, his words affecting you more than normal. “Shit, come on, come on. Fucking cum baby.” He growls, his voice straining as he speeds up his thrusts, until he is practically slamming into you. 

You moan louder, your head dipping into the pillows as your body tightens up as your release approaches you.

He pulls his metal hand away from your clit and wraps it around your body, pulling you flush against him. You cry out as your orgasm hits you, washing over you causing Bucky’s knot to inflate and lock you two together.

“Oh fuck yes.” He growls as he bites down on your collarbone, his cum spilling into you. You gasp, feeling him fill you up. His fingers dig into your back as his hips still spasmed into you moans slipping from his lips. He pulls away from your neck, his flesh hand coming up to cup your face as he kisses you. It’s sloppy, full of teeth and tongue but it’s so satisfying. You card your fingers through his hair, letting your nails scratch his scalp before he pulls away and rests his forehead against yours.

"I love you."

You wake up, shooting up out of bed. Your heart is beating out of your chest and for the first time in weeks, you’re not in a panicked state. You look around the room to see you’re alone before settling back down in your sheets.  
You don’t fall asleep at all. You just stare at the ceiling, your body aching and betraying you as your mind replayed old memories of Bucky and you together in bed. You shut your eyes tightly before grabbing the pillow next to you, shoving your face into it. You groan into it, straining your throat as you let out some frustration before flinging it across the room. You roll over to your side and notice it’s five in the morning.

You slept through the night.

You sigh before getting up and making your way out of your room towards Buckys’. You keep walking, letting your memory take you where you needed to go. Once you reach his room, you knock, afraid of disturbing him. There is no answer so you reach for the handle for the door to find it unlocked. You open the door and slowly step in taking note of Bucky’s absence.

You quickly walk over to the connected bathroom to find it empty. You sigh, seeing that he probably got up super early to have some alone time with his daughter around the tower. You sat on the edge of the bed blowing out some air before looking towards the doorway again. You remembered something about how he had bought teething ointment for Jaymee. You quickly glanced around the room. You saw nothing on his drawers except stationary, a lamp, and a few books. You glanced over at his nightstand, noticing the drawer was slightly open. Your brow furrowed in thought, thinking he probably put it in there.

You lean over and open the drawer, smiling as you picked up his dream journal. It was something he always kept on him, even during missions, and took with him to therapy. You didn’t open it, not wanting to invade his privacy. Before you could put it back, something caught your eye. You placed his journal on his nightstand biting your lip before looking at the doorway again. Noticing the coast was clear, you quickly reached inside and picked up the object.

It was a small black velvet box.

Your eyes widened and you could feel your heart thud in your chest. You opened it and there it was. Your engagement ring.

“What are you doing?”

You quickly snapped the box closed, turning around to see Bucky in the doorway with Jaymee in his arms.


End file.
